Long forgotten blog.
The Lord has been faithful. He hasn't given up on my family or me. I have been very rebelious. Still am actually. More confession? Lately it had been hard to utter a prayer or sit and consult God on matters which are happening around me. A silent retreat i was forced to go along. Gave me time off to retune my sengat walk.
I forgot i had a friend who was on a mission trip. But I know the Lord was with her.
I was reluctant to continue my prayer list of items that have been there for months. But
I'm truly amazed at how things work.
My dad is slowly but still a big man with lil faith. I know he can do great things if he puts away all his fear of money. Its like chasing the wing says Solomon. Putting all life's effort into storing wealth, and never felt true joy of being blessed with riches, is a very sad thing in life. In my dad's shoe, i realise the importance of being contented with what i have and not dream of what others have that i dont.
My grandma, once i hated her, ignored her, didn't want to have anything to do with her. The Lord hit me hard on the head, and i was given a chance to see how miserable i was when i couldn't let go of all these bitterness. Forgive me, I've been judgemental and Lord work your ways in her and also my relatives around me. Grandma wants to get baptised. She doesn't know the doctrine, thought of giving her some more time to know wat she's getting into. Don't want her to feel tricked into Christianity. LIES. Excuses of the enemy. Give me the burden once more to pray. She has changed, more cheerful, talkative, hopefully she can cut down on gossiping, and less suspicious of people around her. And she can walk very well now, under alot of care. But v can't let her go back to her own house and stay alone. Her health is our concern.
My mom, thankyou for standing firm and being the pillar of this family of ours. I know you are working very hard to hold this family together. With dad and grandma and in-laws, you never neglected me and my siblings, as well as church commitment. Deep down in my heart i feel very ashamed that i've forgotten to uphold you in my prayers. Lord forgive me. In her shoes, i see that its very tiresome to be alive, to deal with people's problems and not have a life of my own. To be washed, used, misunderstood, and slaved for others. This self-sacrificial virtue, I lack alot.
I've grown very attached to my small group. I really miss sg session. I don't like the it when i have to miss 2 session because i have to go for 2 field trips. Is there another way i can make up to it? I really wanna go through the next sg session with them. Its on chrisian service. To be a leader is to be a servant. Lord, thank you for showing us a direction and also providing us avenues to work towards this goal u have set. Pls continue to do so.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Sunday, July 24, 2005
I keep reminding myself bout the 7 deadly sins that at some degree I do possess.
Often my prideful self would expect to be praised for my achievement, my ego would want ppl to acknowledge that i just got older by a year. Discouragement and criticisms are like forms of curses that I really wanna just throw em back or totally shun away from.
I can still remember getting my art doodled over like its just something of no importance. I was very angry at first. Though all happened in the digital realm, still i can't forgive the act of being disrespectful towards my art. I got bitter after telling off the person who i thought "wronged me". Confidently i thought i could accept any form of critique thrown to me for my art. In the end, i succumbed to my pride. I asked for opinions, reasoned with ppl so to justify my anger was a necessary one. Misunderstanding they say. It wasnt just a mere misunderstanding, the problem was me. I guess i did give a warning that "i do not need further comments regarding this particular area". Doesn't really justify the fact that i cannot come to proper standing when i get jabbed in my weaker points. Avoiding hurt, doesn't make a person grow. Identifying and overcoming the hurt by chaging my attitude. Things will definitely look different. Humbling self, i musn't complain its hard. But to be meek, its a challenge.
What if ppl are out there to hurt you? Must i tolerate all this unwanted negatives? I must confess, if im in such a situation, i would try my very best to not be affected and seriously pray. Pray? Nonsense!! Forgive the person? IMPOSSIBLE!!! Yah, forgiveness has to come first. But reconciliation needs both parties. Hate what sinful act the person had done but not the person.
I still say its impossible. Then my friend, you're still not ready. When you're ready, you will experience greater fullness and joy in our mission on earth.
Often my prideful self would expect to be praised for my achievement, my ego would want ppl to acknowledge that i just got older by a year. Discouragement and criticisms are like forms of curses that I really wanna just throw em back or totally shun away from.
I can still remember getting my art doodled over like its just something of no importance. I was very angry at first. Though all happened in the digital realm, still i can't forgive the act of being disrespectful towards my art. I got bitter after telling off the person who i thought "wronged me". Confidently i thought i could accept any form of critique thrown to me for my art. In the end, i succumbed to my pride. I asked for opinions, reasoned with ppl so to justify my anger was a necessary one. Misunderstanding they say. It wasnt just a mere misunderstanding, the problem was me. I guess i did give a warning that "i do not need further comments regarding this particular area". Doesn't really justify the fact that i cannot come to proper standing when i get jabbed in my weaker points. Avoiding hurt, doesn't make a person grow. Identifying and overcoming the hurt by chaging my attitude. Things will definitely look different. Humbling self, i musn't complain its hard. But to be meek, its a challenge.
What if ppl are out there to hurt you? Must i tolerate all this unwanted negatives? I must confess, if im in such a situation, i would try my very best to not be affected and seriously pray. Pray? Nonsense!! Forgive the person? IMPOSSIBLE!!! Yah, forgiveness has to come first. But reconciliation needs both parties. Hate what sinful act the person had done but not the person.
I still say its impossible. Then my friend, you're still not ready. When you're ready, you will experience greater fullness and joy in our mission on earth.
Saturday, April 30, 2005
IQ test? dunno how reliable.. alot of logic questions i wasn't too fond of answering:
Congratulations, Pea!Your IQ score is 129
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
hmm they wan me to pay hmm.. to see my full report.. err..
u can find em tests here...
http://web.tickle.com/tests/
Congratulations, Pea!Your IQ score is 129
This number is based on a scientific formula that compares how many questions you answered correctly on the Classic IQ Test relative to others. Your Intellectual Type is Visual Mathematician. This means you are gifted at spotting patterns — both in pictures and in numbers. These talents combined with your overall high intelligence make you good at understanding the big picture, which is why people trust your instincts and turn to you for direction — especially in the workplace. And that's just some of what we know about you from your test results.
hmm they wan me to pay hmm.. to see my full report.. err..
u can find em tests here...
http://web.tickle.com/tests/
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Day 2 (because i got pestered) of BURN 2005 : DAY 2 Photos
Actually the bed is way much better than civ's. But i have phobia of double deckers that are probably more than 10 years old. I don't like sleeping on the bottom bunk. kinda scary to see the ceiling so low. Fatigue took the best of me and got my rest.
Apa ni exercise tak maksud akal. No lar.. had fun trying to fake running around the torny grass.
I always enjoyed taking ppl's backs, cos they look most natural without noticing a camera.
2nd theme talk - yes be expecting more action and faith building sessions.
Was all prepared, just bring in on! My group clique very well when it comes to team building activities, "where is your brother"? And it turned out to be "Am i even keeping?" First station was blind mice and it wasn't hard, but frustrating to make ppl do something when they can't see. i was blind folded the year b4 n i had to pop water balloon by sitting on em. To not be able to see, is very scary. But to have that assurance of a voice guiding, things are less dark than they seem.
Next station was polar bear ice - and my feet nearly got froze bite... its was PAINFUL~!!! even for 30 seconds. Ahh relationships are even more STINGING when they don't go well. Figures, the emotional pain is hardest to heal. And without anyone beside to keep us company, i think the pain will linger even longer and eventually more hurtful than before. Then our spiritual being just freezes like ice. Doesn't mean the pain isn't there if v claim that v don't feel it. That thorn will always remain there, but most of the time v dare not (or can never) pull it out alone.
3rd station - wat's this tasting each other's saliva again?
oh dear.. another disgusting episode of "who gets the last dose". My group's sacrificial lamb, its obvious from the many snap shots. ahh.... i heard even worst.. glad it was over. I HOPE. In life v have to bear with one another, no matter the good n bad. Working with ppl would be the hardest job requirement in any task. You would think church ppl are all sweet lil old ladies, but.. they come in all shape n sizes, just like wat's in the world is in the church as well.
4th station - errr... y do v have to carry the queen again.. its war. Give ppl weapons n they will seek and destroy. The race v're gonna run (if u haven't taken up God's challenge) or running,is not a breezey stroll on a grassland filled with spring flowers. Its a path that has snares, traps, rolling boulders (if u can fancy them), lies, sadness, pains, hardship. Then as v overcome each hurdle that comes our way, God equips us, He teaches and builds us up for harder battles ahead. I remember clearly the bible exposition on James. Trials come and they are there to train our patience, our endurance, n strenghten our faith in God. Temptations are things that v ask for ourselves, unless v tear away these desires that are not of God, v are never free.
I'll just touch on theme talks cos i remember them more clearly than other stuffs.
The 2 workshops were inspiringly fun and exhausting. First v had to crack our brains, then our eggs, then strain our selfs for water balloon fight. Who gave out that idea that MYFers are most durable and can witstand any conditions?!! The non-stop action pack saturday was not even near the end. There comes another round of games. And i got most irritated by David! 3 months of no seeing his face, he haunts me when im quacking like a duck. Simon is less cruel than last year. I should be thankful.
Actually the bed is way much better than civ's. But i have phobia of double deckers that are probably more than 10 years old. I don't like sleeping on the bottom bunk. kinda scary to see the ceiling so low. Fatigue took the best of me and got my rest.
Apa ni exercise tak maksud akal. No lar.. had fun trying to fake running around the torny grass.
I always enjoyed taking ppl's backs, cos they look most natural without noticing a camera.
2nd theme talk - yes be expecting more action and faith building sessions.
Was all prepared, just bring in on! My group clique very well when it comes to team building activities, "where is your brother"? And it turned out to be "Am i even keeping?" First station was blind mice and it wasn't hard, but frustrating to make ppl do something when they can't see. i was blind folded the year b4 n i had to pop water balloon by sitting on em. To not be able to see, is very scary. But to have that assurance of a voice guiding, things are less dark than they seem.
Next station was polar bear ice - and my feet nearly got froze bite... its was PAINFUL~!!! even for 30 seconds. Ahh relationships are even more STINGING when they don't go well. Figures, the emotional pain is hardest to heal. And without anyone beside to keep us company, i think the pain will linger even longer and eventually more hurtful than before. Then our spiritual being just freezes like ice. Doesn't mean the pain isn't there if v claim that v don't feel it. That thorn will always remain there, but most of the time v dare not (or can never) pull it out alone.
3rd station - wat's this tasting each other's saliva again?
oh dear.. another disgusting episode of "who gets the last dose". My group's sacrificial lamb, its obvious from the many snap shots. ahh.... i heard even worst.. glad it was over. I HOPE. In life v have to bear with one another, no matter the good n bad. Working with ppl would be the hardest job requirement in any task. You would think church ppl are all sweet lil old ladies, but.. they come in all shape n sizes, just like wat's in the world is in the church as well.
4th station - errr... y do v have to carry the queen again.. its war. Give ppl weapons n they will seek and destroy. The race v're gonna run (if u haven't taken up God's challenge) or running,is not a breezey stroll on a grassland filled with spring flowers. Its a path that has snares, traps, rolling boulders (if u can fancy them), lies, sadness, pains, hardship. Then as v overcome each hurdle that comes our way, God equips us, He teaches and builds us up for harder battles ahead. I remember clearly the bible exposition on James. Trials come and they are there to train our patience, our endurance, n strenghten our faith in God. Temptations are things that v ask for ourselves, unless v tear away these desires that are not of God, v are never free.
I'll just touch on theme talks cos i remember them more clearly than other stuffs.
The 2 workshops were inspiringly fun and exhausting. First v had to crack our brains, then our eggs, then strain our selfs for water balloon fight. Who gave out that idea that MYFers are most durable and can witstand any conditions?!! The non-stop action pack saturday was not even near the end. There comes another round of games. And i got most irritated by David! 3 months of no seeing his face, he haunts me when im quacking like a duck. Simon is less cruel than last year. I should be thankful.
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
Day 1,
Bus ride was smooth sailing and i guess i was pretty anxious to get to pd methodist center. Needed to facilitate the washroom.
do help urselves with :
selected day 1 photos
ps. threw out alot of spoilt but should have been fond snapshots.
There were 50 campers, 2 counsellors, 2 facilitators.
Speaker, Annette A. Arulrajah. boy, I didn't expect to have such an impacting theme talk 'workout' conducted by her. Afterthoughts from the first theme talk: Before we can start anything, we sure have to know ourselves first and foremost. What I hold on most dearly in the world will destroy the flame that i once set on fire. I do pray that serving is not showing (off), but an act of worship. In the midst of my busyness, i've forgotten the purpose of doing many church stuffs. And slowly the commitments turn tiresome, bothersome, a ritual-some, something I have to do and not want to do. God doesn't need to see my credentials, i don't need to prove how much im worth. Because my worth is in God.
to be cont.
Bus ride was smooth sailing and i guess i was pretty anxious to get to pd methodist center. Needed to facilitate the washroom.
do help urselves with :
selected day 1 photos
ps. threw out alot of spoilt but should have been fond snapshots.
There were 50 campers, 2 counsellors, 2 facilitators.
Speaker, Annette A. Arulrajah. boy, I didn't expect to have such an impacting theme talk 'workout' conducted by her. Afterthoughts from the first theme talk: Before we can start anything, we sure have to know ourselves first and foremost. What I hold on most dearly in the world will destroy the flame that i once set on fire. I do pray that serving is not showing (off), but an act of worship. In the midst of my busyness, i've forgotten the purpose of doing many church stuffs. And slowly the commitments turn tiresome, bothersome, a ritual-some, something I have to do and not want to do. God doesn't need to see my credentials, i don't need to prove how much im worth. Because my worth is in God.
to be cont.
Sunday, March 20, 2005
MYF CAMP 2005 - B.U.R.N. - duration = 48 hours
====================================
Pre-camp week was all bout frustrations, doubts, numbness, tiredness, a weary dried out flesh and bone. Where's my soul? Where's my heart? Y are they ineffective and not functioning? My heart wasn't expecting anything and my soul was crying, I wasn't too sure. I was yes numbed.
I wasn't in any mood to go for camp. But at the final hour a funny feeling came to me.I had to be in uni at 8am and catch the bus in church (KL) by 12 noon. My lab ends at 12 noon. Logic tells me i have to skip part of lab to get prepared for camp. RELUCTANCY. My bro was firm n v left uni by 10.30am. n headed home. At 10.30am, I smiled back at my friends who told me to have fun. I knew I was excited about camp when I left the lab. I was finally able to put aside all things that had been stopping me from going to camp where my soul longs.
Meet the campers, n me was holding camera. this was the group shot near to the end of the camp.
click here for slightly larger version
I'll post as much photos as I can. Postcampsyndrome is heavy but the memories won't fade. I shall try my best to put em here. Every camp to me was different, this one was special.
====================================
Pre-camp week was all bout frustrations, doubts, numbness, tiredness, a weary dried out flesh and bone. Where's my soul? Where's my heart? Y are they ineffective and not functioning? My heart wasn't expecting anything and my soul was crying, I wasn't too sure. I was yes numbed.
I wasn't in any mood to go for camp. But at the final hour a funny feeling came to me.I had to be in uni at 8am and catch the bus in church (KL) by 12 noon. My lab ends at 12 noon. Logic tells me i have to skip part of lab to get prepared for camp. RELUCTANCY. My bro was firm n v left uni by 10.30am. n headed home. At 10.30am, I smiled back at my friends who told me to have fun. I knew I was excited about camp when I left the lab. I was finally able to put aside all things that had been stopping me from going to camp where my soul longs.
Meet the campers, n me was holding camera. this was the group shot near to the end of the camp.
click here for slightly larger version
I'll post as much photos as I can. Postcampsyndrome is heavy but the memories won't fade. I shall try my best to put em here. Every camp to me was different, this one was special.
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Yay, nothing to rejoice bout since i rejected my DN layout and chose an existing template to play with.
Im still contemplating whether to cont' my life in bloggers. Ahahaha, im getting sacked for sure.
I think I won't be abandoning here since i did take some effort to renew the layout.
I dunno whoever reads here but Im glad to be stalking ur blogs too if u are reading this.
never tried the commenting function b4. ehehee.. feel free lor.
Im still contemplating whether to cont' my life in bloggers. Ahahaha, im getting sacked for sure.
I think I won't be abandoning here since i did take some effort to renew the layout.
I dunno whoever reads here but Im glad to be stalking ur blogs too if u are reading this.
never tried the commenting function b4. ehehee.. feel free lor.
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